


I Think Even Should Get to Choose

by IzzyAn_na



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Backstory, Film References, Fluff, HAPPY ENDING!!, M/M, POV Isak Valtersen, Suicide reference, Tiny bit of Angst, communication!!, fight, soft kissy kissy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-03 13:42:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11533437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyAn_na/pseuds/IzzyAn_na
Summary: Behind the scenes of the 'Karaoke Apocalyse!!'- basically I try to understand why little angelic Isak would punch Mikael. Even tells Isak about his past at Bakka and Isak doesn't react all that maturely... But they work it out, so there's no need to worry about an angsty end!





	1. Minutt for Minutt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first try at writing a fanfic (though I have read COUNTLESS!!), so any interaction would be very appreciated. I hope you enjoy!

Ever since Isak had seen Sana looking at pictures of Mikael on Facebook, he couldn’t shake the thought that he and Even hadn’t ever really spoken about what had happened at Bakka. Sure, he knew the basics. Even’s bipolar had meant he had fallen behind on his studies and lost contact with friends. But Isak never pushed further- he never wanted to push Even too far, or ever again be the trigger for a depressive episode. If Even didn’t want to talk about something, then they wouldn’t. Simple as that. Isak tried his best to follow their ‘minutt for minutt’ ideology; which often translated into avoiding difficult topics until later (or never).

But now, as Isak paced back and forth in their small apartment, he was debating whether he could keep his questions to himself any longer. As his brain often did, it kept creating scenarios which were probably worse than the truth. His worst fear was that Even didn’t tell Isak because he didn’t trust him enough. He didn’t love him enough. Isak always found it almost impossible to believe Even could love Isak half as much as he loved Even, no matter how many times Even told him it was true. Isak hated these trains of thought- no matter how stupid he knew they were, they would always grow until he was brave enough to tell Even. Even would just look at him like he was mad, and they would end up fighting over who loved who most, usually resulting in one straddling the other…

Isak snapped out of that particular memory when he heard Even at the front door, humming some daft (*genius) Gabrielle song. Deciding for the time being to keep Mikael and Bakka at the back his mind, Isak walked to the doorway and watched as Even took off his shoes and hung up his denim jacket. His face was red from the cold and his hair was wind swept and Isak could literally imagine the heart-eyes he was giving Even right now. Even looked up at Isak, a smile lighting up his face, and Isak remembered why it was so hard to bring himself to talk about upsetting things with Even. He hated being the reason Even would stop smiling that perfect smile.

‘How was work?’

Even laughed, ‘Alright. Julian asked about you again- I swear he likes you more than me,’ he said while walking over to Isak, taking his face in both hands, and placing a tender kiss on Isak’s lips. ‘Or maybe not…’ Even hummed as his cold skin caused Isak to shiver with satisfaction.

Isak’s stomach rumbled, ruining the moment, and Even laughed while Isak felt his face turning a bright red. ‘It’s your turn to make dinner, right?’

Even tilted his head to the side, incredulous. ‘My turn? It’s always my turn- unless I’m willing to settle for a somehow undercooked pot noodle. But, as you asked, I will cook us enchiladas, as long as we watch Pretty Woman while we eat.’

Isak rolls his eyes. ‘Again? Isn’t that, like, the hundredth time?’

‘Probably more like the thousandth time, but I know you love a good romance so you can stop looking at me like that, Isak Valtersen.’

Isak would argue, but they both know it’s true, so instead he rolls his eyes again and goes to try and cram for the biology mock in a few weeks, leaving Even to the kitchen and his self-made ‘Romeo and Juliet by Baz Luhrman’ spotify playlist.

 ----

Two hours later, they are snuggled up on the sofa, finishing their food and watching Julia Roberts on a shopping spree. Even is enraptured, mouthing along with every word, while Isak finds himself glancing at Even’s face instead, lit up by the flickering screen. Isak loves seeing him like this- so passionate and alive. He’s never felt like this, like he wants to know everything about someone, wants to let someone know everything about him. Isak feels a rush through him, a hot sensation, like nothing he does will ever take him as close to Even as he wants, like nothing will satisfy him. Before he takes a second to think, this feeling bubbles out of him-

‘Even-’ he says, a little loudly. Even looks at Isak, taken aback slightly. Isak begins to regret talking, but carries on, looking down at his lap. ‘ Umm, you know that video I watched of you from Bakka?’

Rubbing his eyes with his face, Even chuckles. ‘Of course I remember, my cute little stalker,’ he mutters while kissing Isak’s forehead. Isak decides to let the fact Even had joined the Kosegruppa with the sole intention of meeting Isak slide, knowing if he goes on a tangent he may never be bold enough to bring up Bakka.

‘Why… why don’t you talk to Mikael anymore?’ The light in Even’s eyes seems to dull and he goes quiet, looking away from Isak. They let the background noise of the film wash over them as Isak debates whether to let the topic drop. It would be so easy to push it to the back of his mind, at least in the short-term, but he knows it’s not enough. Even needs to know Isak loves him no matter what- the thought that Even would ever doubt how much he means pushes Isak onwards.

‘It’s just, you never really said why you moved to Nissen…’ Isak continues, fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie in a futile attempt to distract himself from the awkwardness of the conversation.

Even looks deep in thought, debating with himself. His closed eyes are fluttering, and when he opens them to look back at Isak, he seems resolved, as though he can no longer put off talking. ‘Ok, I’m going to tell you why I transferred, but I need you to know that I’m much better now. It was a really dark period in my life, I’d stopped taking my meds, I felt like I didn’t know who I was, Sonja was on my case… and I didn’t understand myself anymore.’

Isak nodded, placing a hand on Even’s leg, trying to comfort him, hiding the nerves settling in his stomach, his skin buzzing with anticipation.

‘Mikael and I had always been friends, since Barneskole, and since Sonja had begun to act like my mother, he began to feel more… well, like more than a friend…’

Isak hates himself for the pang of jealousy he feels tightening in his chest. He hates that he ever doubts Even. Even seems to sense the badly hidden tensing of Isak’s body, so continues quickly. ‘Well, I was trying to understand what being pansexual meant? I felt bad liking anyone who wasn’t Sonja, and the muslim guys… well, all the guys… they weren’t exactly PC. I felt like I’d been made wrong- bipolar and queer. So, I stopped taking my meds, I didn’t think I was worth ‘fixing’ or helping. But Mikael was always there for me. Always…’

Even stops speaking for a while, his eyes glistening in the light of the TV. Isak holds his breath, afraid to make Even rethink his decision to confide in him. Even moves to sit more upright, looking straight ahead, no longer touching Isak. ‘We were at a party one night and I was feeling quite… wired.’ Even still found it difficult to talk frankly about his bipolar, but he no longer denied that it was a part of him. He often thanked Isak (to his embarrassment), telling him he how much he helped Even to feel the most comfortable in his skin. Comfortable being pan. Comfortable being bipolar.

‘It’s hazy but I… I kissed Mikael.’ Even’s voice cracks with tears slipping down his cheeks. The humiliation in Even’s voice is like a knife in Isak’s chest. It’s a pain Isak understands too well. He had spent many sleepless nights ashamed of his feeling for Jonas, ashamed for leading innocent girls on, ashamed of the gay porn in his search history. Its an excruciating and lonely feeling of shame that he wouldn’t wish on anybody, so the idea that Even felt that way, when Isak wasn’t there to help, makes Isak feel physically sick.

‘He shut me out. Told me what I felt wasn’t real, that the Qur’an said it was a sin-’

‘But that’s bullshit! Sana says you should never listen to someone who uses religion as an excuse for their hate and-’

‘Isak! Isak, I know that. But… I was afraid and… I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. I didn’t want to feel.’

Isak’s heart plummeted. He almost threw up at the thought. The thought that Even had ever even thought about… about not being here anymore. That Isak might never have met Even, might never have seen his smile, heard his daft jokes, might never have felt as accepted and as whole as he did while loving Even.

‘My mum found me,’ Even mumbles, pulling his knees up to his chest and hiding his face from Isak. ‘She told me I couldn’t go back to Bakka. I’ve not really spoken to them since. They’ve tried to contact me, but… I can’t stomach it.’

Isak wants to run. He wants to escape this room, escape this feeling of being sucked into blackhole with no direction and no control. But he sees Even, and realises that’s exactly what he expects to happen. That Isak will run and never come back, will decide that this is the final straw. So instead, Isak wraps his arms as tightly as possible around Even’s suddenly tiny, hunched figure.

‘I’ll never leave you alone.’

He holds this man, who feels like a small child, and anger at this ‘Mikael’ boils up inside of him. Illogical guilt settles in Isak gut, feeling he should have somehow been there to protect Even, despite having not yet met. He channels this guilt into hating Mikael, never having hated anyone as vehemently and completely. Who had the right to make Even ever feel like less than the smart, kind, loving human he is? Who has the right to tell him his love, their love, wasn’t real? That it was wrong?

Isak didn’t realise but he had begun to squeeze Even with more force than he intended, and Even finally looked up and acknowledged Isak’s presence. Even, as always, could read Isak’s emotions as clear as day. His pain and anger was clear in Isak’s eyes, while Even’s reflected back only sadness and acceptance. Even’s forgivingness and him not sharing the same overwhelming need to punch someone only angered Isak more. Sometimes Even was too accepting Isak thought, getting annoyed that even now, when he should be comforting Even, it was the other way around. Even was always the one to be rational and to calm Isak down, arguably his best and most frustrating trait.

Even takes Isak’s head in his hands and brings his gaze level, staring straight at him. ‘It’ll be ok, Isak. It’ll be ok.’ He tilts his head to the side, a smile playing on his lips despite Isak’s severe frown. ‘Let’s finish this film? And tomorrow we’ll meet our friends, drink too much beer and… I promise I’ll sing at the karaoke, ok?’

Isak can’t help it as a little smile creeps across his face, and he pulls Even into his arms, needing to be as close as physically possible. Just the smell of his shampoo calms Isak’s heart rate, and Even stroking his hair is a reminder that they have each other. Isak and Even against the homophobes.

Even whispers softly, ‘I’m good Isak, I’ve got you now.’

\----

_‘So what happens after he climbs up and rescues her?’_

_'S_ _he rescues him right back.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, we have a calm-ish Isak. Not for long folks. I'll hopefully post the last couple chapters by the end of the week.
> 
> (If anyone is still reading this...)


	2. Dag for Dag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I turned this chapter out super quick today so there may be some grammar issues- hopefully it's still nice to read!! Isak goes a little off the rails, but he'll fix it.

Its mid-afternoon the next day and Isak finds himself sat at the bar in a karaoke club with Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi crowded around Even and chanting, ‘SING! SING! SING!’

Isak continues to sip at his beer and rolls his eyes at the ridiculousness of his friends, but can’t help the warm fuzzy feeling he gets as he watches them. It’s one of those days, surrounded by all his friends, when Isak realises how lucky he is to have these people in his life. The spring sun shining through windows makes Isak feel like maybe he’s allowed to be a bit cheesy, as he looks at the now grinning Even.

‘Ok, ok, I’ll do it!’ Even laughs as the boys cheer (with Magnus doing some strange attempt at the robot). Isak thinks that maybe they’ve drunk a bit too much for 5pm.

Even walks up to the large karaoke screen after a blonde girl finishes singing some cringy Justin Bieber song. The boys are all whooping and clapping him on while Even selects the song Imagine.

Isak feels pride uncurling in his stomach at the sight of his boyfriend standing in front of all these people, unashamed. Isak likes getting to show off his other half, but he still feels nervous with public displays of affection. Yet now, with Even acting so confident, Isak wants to pay back his bravery.

‘Good luck, baby!’ Isak shouts. No one makes an acknowledgment of Isak’s term of endearment (besides Magnus ‘aww’ing under his breath), but Isak feels like he breaks through a wall every time he tells anyone how much Even means to him. The returning smile of Even is enough to make Isak’s heart swell.

Even starts to sing, his voice deep and a little timid. Isak feels goosebumps on the back of his neck and a smile frames his face, despite his efforts to not look like a madman. Even looks directly as Isak and seems to find more confidence, singing directly to Isak. Isak realises suddenly that he should probably feel embarrassed- he can sense the quietness of the rest of the room and the pressure of tens of pairs of eyes burning into the both of them. If this were any of Isak’s friends, he’s 100% sure that he would be cringing and probably hiding behind another beer. Isak laughs a little to himself as he accepts just how head over heels he is for this man.

The soft haze of the room becomes uncomfortable and Isak becomes aware of the odd silence of the room. He looks to Even, but Even is looking beyond Isak, his expression looks almost scared, with his microphone clenched tightly in his hand. Isak turns quickly to look at whatever would cause Even’s face to crumple and fall.

When he sees them standing there, Isak isn’t even surprised. Somehow he knew he’d have to face the Balloon Squad sooner or later. They are huddled awkwardly near the entrance, clearly aware of the tension hanging between Even. Isak is overwhelmed with anger bubbling under his skin when he sees Mikael’s face only a few feet away and the urge to run over there and confront him is almost impossible to ignore. Instead he pulls he gaze back toward Even and sees straight away where he’s needed more.

Without overthinking, Isak steps over to Even and pulls the microphone toward himself, channelling the adrenaline coursing through his veins into blind bravery. With his right hand, Isak strokes Evens hair, slowly easing Even gaze away from the boys and willing him to take comfort from Isak. Even smiles slightly, acknowledging the presence of Isak above anyone else in the room. Even wraps his arm around Isak’s shoulders, leaning on him physically and metaphorically.

Isak snaps out of his and Even’s little universe to voices of Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi. Soon the whole bar is singing along with Isak and Even and for those three minutes the Balloon boys don’t matter. Nothing outside of his friends matter. Especially not Mikael.

Isak breaks eye contact with Even and looks around the room at the circle their friends had formed around them. Eva is swaying, the alcohol having clearly gone to her head. Eskild, who had invited himself along, was somehow finding a way to head bang in time to the chorus. Mahdi seemed to be making fun of Magnus, who carried on signing at the top of his lungs, and Jonas smiled encouragingly at Isak. Even Sana was smiling at the sight.

The song comes to a close and Even tells Isak how much appreciates him in one look, a smile quirking the corner of his mouth. Even places a kiss at Isak’s temple, whispering a ‘thank you’ into his ear. Isak kisses him back, squeezing his shoulder. They both head over to the boys at the bar who are giving them a standing ovation, and Isak taps Jonas on the back of the head in fake annoyance.

‘Oi!’ Jonas squawks. ‘That hurt! We were only clapping our musically talented friends.’

Isak snorts in response. ‘One, that definitely did not hurt. And two, isn’t it your go to sing now boys?’

Jonas and Mahdi went quiet, but Magnus stood proudly, ‘I’m game!’

Mahdi shook his head quickly. ‘I don’t think I’m anywhere near drunk enough to sit through your singing Magnus- let’s get another round first. Do you want anything? Even? Isak?’

‘Sure I’ll have another beer’ Isak said while Even shook his head.

‘I’m just heading to the toilet actually, I’ll be back in a bit guys.’

Isak nodded and turned back to the boys. After Magnus talking about Vilde for almost 5 minutes straight, Isak started to zone out, his mind wandering in and out of the conversation. It was only after Isak had finished his fifth (or sixth?) beer of the day, and the boys had plied a round of shots on him, that he realised Even had been gone for an unusually long time. As it always did, his mind spiralled pretty quickly, and he felt his chest constrict, his breathing become shallow, and his eyes scanned the room.

He couldn’t see Even anywhere in the crowd of dancing bodies, and now that he thought about it, the Balloon Squad didn’t seem to be there either. As Isak turned to ask the boys if they had seen Even go anywhere, he caught a glimpse of the familiar denim jacket through the large windows of the room. Even is standing close to Mikael, almost touching, and they seem to be talking. Isak doesn’t take a second to think before he feels his body overcome with anger and, and… jealousy? He’s never felt like this. Even when he was consumed with ‘jealousy’ over Jonas in the first year, it didn’t even come close to the real thing.

Before stopping to clear his head, Isak slams down his now empty beer glass, practically leaps from the bar stool and strides towards the door, pushing straight through the singing crowd. He can hear the boys shouting after him, clearly confused, but even they don’t break through his bubble of rage. Finally, he pushes through the warm mass of people and out the door, the cold breeze hitting him hard, adding to the adrenaline he feels pumping from his heart and down his arms and legs, his hands curled tightly at his side.

Isak almost runs towards the two of them, seeing in his periphery that the rest of the Balloon Squad were standing a few feet away. He’s unsure as to what his plan actually is, but the second he sees the upset look on Even’s face, his fist apparently knows exactly what to do. He can hear the blood rush in his ears and feels the shot of vodka surge to his brain, sees red, and swings-

‘Fy faen!’ someone shouts. Isak’s not sure who as a second later it feels like his head had been split open. The pain throbbing at the bridge of his nose cuts across his alcohol fuelled anger, and he realises it was Elias who had hit him back. The entire Balloon Squad had ran over from where they were standing and Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi had clearly gotten there to see the exchange of punches, because now all the boys were pushing and shoving each other.

Isak went to hold his nose and felt wetness. His hand was covered in red when he pulled away and it suddenly hurt ten times as badly. Even pulled Isak out from the scuffle that was happening behind them and freaking out about the blood now flowing from Isak’s nose. Elias had clearly known what he was doing much better than Isak, because Mikael looked fairly unscathed and instead it was Isak’s hand which throbbed dully from the poor punch attempt. The adrenaline was wearing off, as was its numbing effect, and the pain from his nose meant Isak gave out a groan.

Even was trying to get Isak to tilt his head up to stop the flow of blood, and from the corner of his eye, Isak could see Yousef appear from the Karaoke club with Sana in tow. She appears to have called her brother and his boys off, and they start walking away, with Magnus and Mahdi holding Jonas back, stopping him from running after Elias.

Sana walks over to them but Even and the boys cart Isak away before he can try and explain. To be honest, Isak isn’t even sure he _can_ explain what just happened. They all walk him back to their flat, babbling and confused- the 5 minute journey feels like Isak’s walking through some bizarre dream, the fight playing back in disjointed flashes.

Even walks with his arm around Isak’s shoulders the entire time, even when he unlocks their front door, even when Isak is sat on the edge of the bathtub and Jonas is wetting a flannel to wipe up the now drying blood. Isak is vaguely aware of Even telling Magnus to grab some frozen peas, while his alcoholic haze begins to lift and the stupidity of what he did begins to sink in.

Jonas and Even seem to have noticed how quiet Isak has been, giving each other a knowing look, and within the next couple minutes they’ve both managed to herd Magnus and Mahdi out of the flat. Jonas gives Isak a large hug before leaving (Magnus jumping in of course).

‘We’ll give you some space. Talk later though, Isak?’ Jonas checks before closing the apartment door behind him. Isak nods, wanting to tell his best friend exactly what just happened- though he can’t quite get it straight himself.

The boys have gone, and the flat feels weirdly quiet and calm without them. Isak looks at Even guiltily, fully aware of how immature he’d been. Though he doesn’t exactly feel bad about what he did, the fact Even seems to dejected has him considering that maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do. But Isak can’t quite read Even’s expression- he doesn’t look frustrated with Isak but he doesn’t look happy that Isak stepped in either. Instead he looks somewhere in the middle.

‘I’m pissed right now, Isak.’ Even says, breaking the odd silence that had hung between them. ‘I won’t lie- it was sort of hot to see you defend my honour,’ Even blushes a bit, looking slightly annoyed with himself. ‘But I don’t understand… why punch Mikael?’

Isak looks confused, thinking his reasoning was obvious. Mikael had made the love of his life feel like shit, and yes that was a year ago, but still… and they standing really close together… and Even might have felt more for Mikael than he did for Isak… God maybe he hadn’t thought it through properly.

‘I… I don’t know.’ Isak says, somewhat truthfully. ‘You looked upset- I thought he saying that we, that we weren’t…-’

‘Really in love?’ Even asks. The admission that they do in fact love each other still makes Isak flush with warmth. He nods in response. Even smiles, stepping closer to Isak and pulling his chin upwards, taking his gaze from his feet to Even’s smiling eyes. ‘Well, if you hadn’t come in all kamikaze and gung-ho, you would have heard he was sorry for what went down last year. That he was ashamed that he tried to use Islam as a reason to justify pulling away from me. He actually said you were really cute.’ Even admits placing a gentle kiss on Isak’s slightly parted lips.

Isak takes half a step backwards, his face screwed up in confusion. ‘But… you looked upset?’

‘I was only sad we hadn’t had this conversation a year ago,’ Even sighs. ‘I kept ignoring them, thinking they were out to hurt me again, but I just let it eat away at me.’

Even looks genuinely happy, fully content, as though a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Isak still felt a sadness settle in his stomach, worried he could have ruined this moment for Even with his thoughtlessness. Isak almost wanted Even to be disappointed in him, Isak couldn’t understand how anyone was so forgiving.

‘Do you hate me?’ Isak said, hardly audible. Even held Isak just as tightly as he had been, and for a moment Isak thought that perhaps Even hadn’t heard him.

‘Never,’ Even says with such certainty that even Isak can’t question him.

\----

_Imagine all the people_

_Living life in peace..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even is such a babe- the next chapter should be out in a couple days.  
> Also, I'm aware this isn't what a lot of people want- some feel Isak is unfaultable and incapable of jealousy, which is not what I get from watching Isak throughout the series. To me, Isak is a complex character with many faults, but his growth and ability to recognise his patterns and change for the better is what makes him my favourite character. That's the Isak I try to portray.   
> Thanks for the kudos, folks!!!


	3. Alltid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took a few days, but I really like it. Hope it shows that Isak is still a good person, faults and all!

Isak can’t sleep- he’s spent the last two hours tossing and turning, trying not to disturb Even’s deep, peaceful breathing. The thought that perhaps he hadn’t left behind his selfish jealousy in year one was eating away at him. Isak had never really felt the kind of anger he had had toward Mikael at anyone other than himself. He had hated himself so completely at times, the bible verses his mother sent him chastising him every time he looked at a boy for a second too long, that the idea an anyone had ever made Even hate himself in the same way had been too much to wrap his head around. Mikael had hurt the person Isak loved most, but… Isak considers that punching Mikael was just a way of being pissed at the parts of Isak that had ever told him being gay was wrong.

For a long time Isak hadn’t thought about the countless restless nights before Even, when he would cry rather than sleep- Mikael was a reminder, and it still hurt Isak more than he could admit. Even had been braver than Isak when he tried to kiss Mikael, but instead of support, he was left alone. Staring at Even’s untroubled face as he slept, completely as ease, Isak realised he didn’t know Mikael, not like Even. He was just the personification of Isak’s worries and fears. Isak took a deep breath to try and relax his constricting chest- frustrated that he had been the one to judge someone so quickly.

Isak had not been religious since he was a kid, and maybe not even then. But he understood the fear of doing something wrong, something forbidden. He’d carried that weight around with him most of his life, and it hit Isak that Mikael knew the weight of that pressure too. Isak himself had seen religion as synonymous with hatred and separation- Sana had been the one to show him what religion could be. He couldn’t blame Mikael for understanding this later, despite the squeezing at Isak’s heart that Even was a casualty in his ignorance. Isak had also hurt Even, even if he hadn’t been aware of his bipolar at the time.

What plagues Isak more, was the second of jealousy that flared in Isak when he saw Even and Mikael talking. Just thinking of Even ever pining after Mikael, made Isak squirm uncomfortably. He’d like to blame his rashness on the alcohol but Isak knows the thoughts were there long before his first sip of beer. It was really the first time Isak had felt this way since he’d been with Even; not because he was threatened by Mikael but because he reminded Isak that Even had lived a full life before Isak. So had Isak of course, but it still made him feel small. He even felt jealous of the Isak’s in the other universes, some of whom must have been lucky enough to know Even for longer.

Isak turned onto his side and unplugged his phone, taking it off the bedside table, and quickly lowered the brightness so as to not wake Even. As stupid as he felt, Isak found himself looking at a website called ‘10 Healthy Ways to Deal with Jealousy’. Most of the advice seemed pretty stupid, like ‘let go’ and ‘keep a journal’, but one confirmed to Isak what he already knew he needed to do- ‘talk to your partner’.

‘Even?’ Isak whispered, half hoping Even wouldn’t hear him. After a few seconds, Even mumbled a little, and slowly opened his stinging eyes.

‘Mmm, baby?’

‘I’m… I’m sorry for punching Mikael’ Isak began.

Isak could see Even frown slightly in the dimly moonlit room, obviously confused at the 3am conversation. ‘Yeah, I know that, Isak. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.’

‘I do though. I do,’ Isak said, a bit louder than before, more sure than ever that it needed to be said. ‘I hit Mikael because he hurt you. But I also hit Mikael but maybe he knows you better than me. He knew you longer than me. And I know it’s stupid to be jealous of him, but… it’s how I feel, you know?’ Isak took a deep breath, feeling like he’d just confessed one of his biggest sins, his biggest weaknesses.

Isak stared directly at Even, who’s expression didn’t falter. Even raised his hand to on Isak’s neck, stroking his hair for what was probably a few seconds but seemed like a lifetime. Isak felt safe in this limbo of not knowing Even’s reaction; of living in a world where he hadn’t turned Isak away, or looked at him as though he were crazy.

‘He doesn’t,’ Even responded finally, his thumb lightly tracing Isak’s bottom lip.

‘Doesn’t what?’ uttered Isak, momentarily thrown off by the softness of Even’s touch.

‘Know me better. He knows the old me, the one who didn’t really even know himself. You know me in this life, this universe. Not him.’ Even shuffled closer, placing his forehead against Isak’s, who’s eyelids fluttered at the touch. ‘Only this version of Even and Isak fully know this version of Even and Isak,’ he said letting out a little laugh, ‘if that makes sense?’

Isak nodded, understanding completely. Even hadn’t really known the Isak that had found sleep allusive, who had been afraid of opening himself up to people with mental illness, had been afraid of himself. They had made each other better people, and it was these versions of themselves the other had fallen for and kept falling for every day- not Mikael’s Even, or the Isak he could hardly recognise himself.

Isak moved his face toward Even’s, gently nudging their noses together. Even responded with a kiss- soft and deep, making Isak’s heart sing, feeling like it would burst straight through his chest. Isak loved their hot and fiery kisses, with all teeth and tongue, but it was the slow and tender kisses that made Isak feel closer to Even than he had ever felt with anyone.

Eventually Even pulled away, and they simply lay there, looking at each other as their eyes acclimatised to the darkness, smiling stupidly at one and other. Eventually Even’s eyes began to droop and his breathing became deeper as Isak stroked his soft hair, stopping it from falling over his eyes and spoiling Isak’s view.

Before he could fall asleep himself, Isak opened his Facebook app and quickly found Mikael Øverlie Boukhal.

‘ _I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow sometime- I’d like to apologise in person for acting like a shit today… Umm, I’ll ask Even to come and you can bring the other boys too, if you want. Thanks, Isak.’_

He then placed his phone back on charge and turned back to look at Even, feeling infinitely lighter, the weights pressing down on Isak’s chest and lungs lifted.

He fell asleep seconds later.

\----

**6:28am**

_‘Hey man, sounds good. How about 5pm at the KB by Nissen? I’ll bring the guys (it’ll be nice to see you and Even). Mik.’_

_\----_

When Isak had told Even about meeting Mikael the next morning, he’d been thrilled, telling Isak how excited he was at the thought of them ‘all properly hanging out together- you know, without the punching!’ Isak had of course rolled his eyes in response, his cheeks burning from embarrassment. Now Even seemed to be quieter, the reality of the situation hanging over both of them like a dark cloud. Isak wasn’t sure how the boys would react to him, and the idea that they may not really forgive him made his stomach flip with nerves.

Isak and Even had gotten to KB about 10 minutes early, unable to sit still at home any longer. The walk through the fresh air had helped clear their heads somewhat, but they remained mostly in silence, Isak trying (and failing) to ignore all the ways this could go wrong. As long as no one left with blood spilt, Isak was starting to consider that as a win.

The two of them sat at one of the biggest booths, their legs bouncing up and down, as time seemed to creep by, maddeningly slowly. Eventually, Even nudged Isak on the shoulder.

‘They’re here.’

They could see the gang of boys through the windows, dressed in baggy jumpers, tight jeans, snapbacks and bandanas. They were all laughing at something Mutta had said, Yousef whacking him on the shoulder in response. They seemed to be walking in slow motion, like some kind of action movie, as Isak and Even sat there, mouths slightly agape.

They opened the door, and the resulting dinging of the bell snapped Isak out of his movie slow-mo, they sound of their voices now reaching them. Even waved them over, and Isak stood awkwardly to greet them. Mikael grinned widely, and straight away went in for a hug. Isak’s arms were frozen to his side, taken aback by the five guys enveloping him and Even in a hug, that felt more like being rugby tackled. They pulled back, and Isak attempted to apologise, despite the oddly light atmosphere.

‘Umm, I needed to say, I’m sorry for, you know… hitting you yesterday. I was out of order and I understand if you don’t forgive me,’ Isak said in a deadly serious tone, not letting his eyes leave Mikael’s face, wanting him to truly know how honest his apology was. Some of the boys appeared to stiffen, the heaviness of Isak’s words weighing down the mood. But Mikael’s smile didn’t falter.

‘Well, I feel like I should apologise really, it looks like you came out worse!’ Mikael joked, pointing to Isak’s blue eye.

‘Yeah, I, umm, didn’t mean to hit you quite that hard,’ Elias piped up from over Mikael’s shoulder, smiling sheepishly. ‘But I’ll pay you back- come to the gym with us sometime and I’ll show you how to do a proper uppercut,’ Elias was saying to Isak as the 7 of them squeezed into the booth. Even was sitting on Isak’s right, and Isak could see the smile on his face out of the corner of his eye as he listened to Elias ramble on about boxing techniques.

Mikael stood up and tapped Isak on the shoulder, offering to buy him a coffee. Isak, known by all his friends to be annoyingly indecisive, joined Mikael in the queue, thanking him about ten times in two minutes for volunteering to buy Isak a 20 kroner mocha. Mikael brushed him off every time with a laugh and a pat on the back, brushing his hair out of him eyes.

‘I just wanted to say, I don’t blame you by the way. For punching me, I mean. I would have done the same if I were you. I hate what I did to Even, and I can’t excuse it. I didn’t understand how to interpret Islam, like, not truthfully, so I just listened to the bullshit others would say. That’s not an excuse, I promise, it’s just a reason I suppose. I want to punch the old me too. But I’m not like that, not anymore. I hope you and Even, umm, get to know this version of me…’

‘I’d like that. We’d like that,’ Isak replied, grinning at Mikael, seeing him clearly for the first time. He was just like Isak really. And if Isak could forgive his old-self for the bullshit of year one, then he could forgive Mikael too.

Mikael handed Isak his mocha (with extra cream) and the walked back over to the boys with their orders. They seemed to be talking about meeting up at some point to see if Even was still as bad as Fifa as before (Isak laughed- he was). Even seemed to have been watching Mikael and Isak more than he was participating with the boys, him and Isak smiling at each other, not breaking eye contact.

Even’s smile is so genuine that Isak goes to hold his hand resting on his leg beneath the table. Even squeezes it tightly and brings it to rest on the table instead. Isak’s heart thumps that much faster at the display of affection, especially as this is the first time testing the water in front of the boys. Even also brings his other hand up to Isak’s nose, Isak sitting there stunned, and wipes the cream that had found its way there without him noticing. Isak finds himself staring at Even in awe, lost in his blue eyes that seemed to have been shining even brighter since they’d spoken to the boys. It was one of those moments, as Even’s hand gripped his, that Isak could physically feel his love for Even growing.

A hush had descended around the table, and Isak broke away from Even’s gaze, seeing the others staring at them silently. Isak felt his face burn and for a second considered releasing Even’s hand, worried that their tolerance only stretched so far.

But instead an ‘awww’ escaped Mutta and Yousef’s lips in unison, resulting in the rest of the boys to burst into a chorus of laughs, drawing some funny looks from the other customers, as Isak sat there, slightly thrown of guard. Mikael punched Even on the shoulder, both on the verge of tears because of Mutta, who seemed to be choking mid-laugh.

Even let go of Isak’s hand, instead wrapping it around him and pulling him in to kiss him softly on his temple. Isak felt himself melt into his touch as the conversation carried on around them, oblivious to their signs of affection. For the first time, Isak was truly relaxed, truly content. The strength of the friendship of the boys washed over him, as he sat quietly, taking in their laughter and their warmth. And he felt lucky. Lucky to have Even and lucky to have proof that humans _can_ change for the better. Always.

And so can he.

\----

_‘I've been afraid of changing_

_'Cause I built my life around you_

_But time makes you bolder’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who's read this, especially those who've left kudos and comments. I really appreciate it! It's a very bizarre experience to write a fanfic after reading so many over the last 5 years, and having convinced myself no one would ever click on it, the idea that people around the world have actually read my words and seen inside my little Skam universe, even for just a little while, has been quite overwhelming! Thanks again guys!!


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